It’s Not You, It’s Me: Breaking Up With Your Therapist (& how to end therapy the “right” way)

Ending a relationship with your therapist can feel bittersweet. You’ve dedicated a lot of time (sometimes months or even years) to your personal growth, and you’re starting to feel confident that you no longer need ongoing support from your therapist. And that can feel really good! It’s empowering to know that the work you’ve put into therapy has paid off, and that you now have the tools you need to navigate your current life circumstances.

Or maybe the reason you entered therapy is no longer an issue, and you feel you’ve gotten what you needed out of the process. Either way, your goals for therapy have been met, you’re using the tools you’ve learned in therapy effectively, and you don’t feel the need to commit to regular therapy appointments anymore.

So how do you let your therapist know you’re ready to end therapy?

It’s completely natural to feel anxious about “breaking up” with your therapist. You might worry that you’re letting them down in some way, wonder what their reaction might be, or feel like they expect you to stay committed to therapy forever (just FYI - we don’t expect that!).

Therapy is a process to support you in whatever YOU need, and if you no longer need therapy, that’s great! (although your therapist will likely miss you… but that’s just part of forming a meaningful relationship to someone who deeply cares about you).

If you’ve been attending therapy regularly and have formed a solid relationship to your therapist, I always recommend having a session to talk to your therapist about your decision to end therapy. There are so many times in life where we don’t have the opportunity to say goodbye to people we care about. In therapy, we do have the option to have a proper ending and say goodbye. This can be an incredibly meaningful experience, and for many people, a corrective experience around endings.

This will also allow space to process everything you’ve worked on and accomplished in therapy, talk about the goals that have been met during your time in therapy, and discuss any growth points or areas that you and your therapist believe would be helpful to continue working on and exploring.

Some therapists have different processes and expectations with their clients, but I like to reassure my clients that my door is ALWAYS open to them if they ever decide to come back to therapy. I also like to talk to them about their options when it comes to “maintenance” therapy, which means they can taper down to “as needed” sessions if they’d prefer (rather than stopping therapy altogether). Maintenance sessions can be monthly, quarterly, or sporadically to check in and process recent events, thoughts, and feelings.

I always appreciate having the opportunity to say goodbye to my clients. The client always comes first in therapy, and the focus is on them. That being said, your therapist cares about you. Your therapist has invested time, emotions, and genuine care into your relationship. You shouldn’t do it for your therapist, but for the relationship with your therapist. The relationship has been the container for your process, after all.

Endings are hard. And facing them head on can be even harder. But it’s so worth it in the end, and allowing yourself the space to have a meaningful goodbye to your therapist (maybe permanently, or maybe just for now) is a huge part of honoring your process and the work you’ve put into therapy.

**On the other hand, there may be other reasons you want to end the relationship with your therapist. Maybe you’ve spent a few sessions with a new therapist, and feel that it’s just not a great fit or that you’re not really getting what you need out of therapy. Or maybe you’ve recently decided that you want to go with a different type of approach with another therapist.

If the relationship with your therapist has been very brief and you’ve decided they aren’t a good fit for you, an email or text is usually fine to let them know you’re going to continue looking for someone that you vibe with a bit more. It’s typically better to spend your time and resources finding a therapist that is the right fit, rather than trying to force it with the wrong fit (and it’s completely okay if a therapist is just not the right fit - we are not meant to be a fit for everyone!).

There are times where it can be helpful for a therapist to receive any feedback about their approach that you didn’t like or didn’t find helpful, especially if there was a rupture or miscommunication that could be useful for them to be aware of. If this is the case, I do recommend being transparent with them about your reason for ending therapy.

If you’ve decided to go with another therapist after establishing a longer term relationship with your current therapist, I would still recommend having a session to end things with your current therapist.

Ending the relationship with your therapist might be uncomfortable, but this can be part of the work in therapy where you are direct with communicating your needs, giving yourself permission to trust what feels right, and stepping into your empowerment. Your therapist should support whatever decision is best for you - whether that’s ending therapy altogether or getting support from someone who is a better fit for what you need.

And remember…endings often = growth.

Online Therapy in Houston, throughout Texas

If you are looking for a therapist, feel free to explore my website to see if we might be a good fit to work together. I work with women in Houston (and throughout Texas) navigating anxiety, relationship struggles, and life transitions.

Please note: this blog post is for practice updates and educational purposes only. This is not a replacement for mental health counseling or therapy.