What to Expect From Therapy
After weeks (or even months) of searching on google, comparing websites, or asking your friends and family for referrals, you’ve finally found the right therapist. Maybe something you read on their website really resonated with you, or something just clicked during the consultation call with them. Whatever it is, you know this is the therapist you want to work with. So exciting!
Finding the right match for a therapist can leave you feeling eager and hopeful for what’s to come, especially if you’re starting therapy for reasons that feel anything but hopeful. While it can be very exciting to find the right fit, there can also be a bit of unease and uncertainty around the idea of actually starting the process of therapy (like…now you actually have to show up and be vulnerable).
Feeling anxious or overwhelmed around starting therapy is completely normal, and I know firsthand how vulnerable it feels to begin the journey of self-discovery with someone completely new. Rest assured, your therapist should help you feel as comfortable as possible throughout the process, and if you have any questions or concerns before your first session, don’t hesitate to shoot them an email or text.
The Process of Starting Therapy
What can be helpful to know about starting therapy (and a relief) is that you do not have to prepared. Most people come to therapy with a goal in mind, or a specific reason as to why they are starting therapy. If you know your reason for starting therapy, that can be enough. Of course, you have to be willing to show up consistently and potentially dive into some uncomfortable topics, but knowing your reason or expectations for therapy can be enough to get started. Some people do like to have notes they bring into sessions so they can address specific topics or events that have happened recently, but this is just a personal preference, not a requirement.
Your first few sessions will typically be focused on your therapist getting an understanding of you and your story. There will be questions about what brings you to counseling, how long you’ve been struggling with the issue(s), any previous time spent in therapy, what your relationships have been like, what family life was like growing up, etc. Some people have one very specific problem they spend most of the session talking about, which can sometimes feel a bit like a “dump”, but this is very common. Others might not even know where to start. Your therapist is trained to catch all of the pieces and to provide guidance by asking questions that will help them understand you and your needs.
After the first few sessions, you’ll start to get an idea of what it feels like being in therapy and what you can expect your sessions to feel like (or how they might be structured). Some tips that can be helpful to hold in mind for counseling sessions are:
Be specific. I recommend giving some specific scenarios or details that provide a clear picture around what you’ve been struggling with. This helps your therapist fully understand your perspective and makes it easier to give you more focused and direct feedback.
Be honest! I get it (and I’ve done it) — it can be tempting to tweak your story a bit so there’s less risk of being judged, or because you want your therapist to see you in a positive light. This is natural (and common), but I definitely encourage you to lean into the discomfort of sharing the full truth with your therapist, even if it makes you cringe a bit. Exposing yourself is vulnerable, but you get SO much more out of therapy when you’re honest. Your therapist is not here to judge you, and this is an opportunity for you to really be seen and understood.
Have an idea of what you want to get out of session. You can talk about anything and everything in therapy. To use your time wisely, it can be helpful to know what you’d like to get out of each session, or what you’d like to process that day in therapy. This can be anything that’s going on with you in the present (or earlier that week/month), how you’ve been feeling, your relationships, your history (including childhood), work stress, your sex life, dreams, trauma, grief, you name it. You’ll likely get more out of your therapy sessions when you have an idea of what you’d like to process during each session.
Want something? Ask for it! Are you wanting a book or podcast to dive into that speaks to your pain points? Ask your therapist what they might recommend. Even if we don’t know something off the top of our head, we can ask colleagues or keep an eye out for something that you might be interested in.
Starting therapy can be overwhelming when you don’t know what to expect. I encourage you to ask your therapist any questions that can help the process feel as clear as possible. Keep in mind that it is a process, and one that takes time and commitment. You have all the permission to go at your own pace in therapy and to ask for what you need out of the process.
