How Therapy Improves Your Relationships
Therapy is beneficial for many reasons, and improving relationships is definitely one of them. It’s probably one of the main reasons most of my clients seek out therapy (even if they don’t know it initially). Stress or lack of fulfillment in our relationships can take a serious toll on our mental health; the quality of our relationships truly impacts the quality of our lives. And this doesn’t just mean romantic relationships — friendships and family relationships have just as much of an influence on our well-being and happiness.
So how exactly can mental health therapy improve your relationships?
1. Gaining insight by exploring your past
Many people come to therapy to better understand themselves. They might lack an understanding around what they want, why they are unhappy, why their relationships cause stress, the purpose of their existence, etc. In therapy, it can be incredibly valuable to explore why you struggle with certain patterns or themes in your life, and we do this by gaining insight into how your past experiences have shaped you.
This means exploring your childhood experiences and how certain memories and attachments left an imprint on you. It is not uncommon for the impact of childhood experiences to be unconscious - meaning, outside of your awareness. There might be experiences that you felt were “normal” because that’s all you knew, and that’s what was modeled to you by your caregivers. By diving into past, therapy can help you understand how some of these memories may actually have a bigger impact than you think - and may even be what we would consider traumatic. Trauma isn’t always obvious. For many children, unmet emotional needs, inconsistency with love and affection, or being bullied (which is a threat to our very real, human need to survive + belong) can be considered traumatic childhood experiences.
Understanding the impact of past experiences is a critical step in self-awareness and creating more compassion for one’s self. This can open our eyes to unconscious patterns and re-enactments in adulthood, unhealthy defense mechanisms, and root causes of anxiety, depression, and low self-worth.
2. Developing communication skills
Unfortunately, communication skills are not taught in school (although they should be!). We learn how to communicate based on what was modeled to us growing up. Communication ranges from passive communication, passive-aggressive, assertive, or aggressive. In therapy, you have the opportunity to learn what healthy communication looks and feels like, and how to implement these skills into your relationships. The actual process of therapy is a microcosm of the outside world - meaning, how you show up with your therapist is likely how you show up with others. This makes it a great opportunity to practice new forms of communication in a safe space.
Being able to communicate in our relationships is such a life-changing skill because it allows people to truly see us and know us on a deeper level. When we are able to communicate our needs, share when we’re feeling hurt or misunderstood, or express how we feel about something, we are showing up as our authentic self. Healthy communication will usually strengthen relationships with people who are aligned with us. It will also give us valuable information around who is not aligned or not right for us. (such as people who do not respect our boundaries or needs). Speaking of boundaries…
3. Implementing healthy boundaries
A big part of self-awareness and effective communication is knowing what your boundaries are, and expressing these boundaries. Boundaries are an extension of who we are - they allow us to be true to ourselves and genuine in our relationships. On the contrary, if we don’t assert our boundaries or even know what our boundaries are, that is a recipe for resentment in relationships.
Some examples of boundaries are:
“I’m only having one drink tonight”
“I’m not ready to have sex just yet”
“I don’t want to talk about my relationship status”
“I’m not looking for advice on this right now”
“That’s outside of my budget”
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, can we circle back to this conversation tomorrow?”
What all of these statements have in common is that they are voicing a need that honors one’s self. Other people might have a negative reaction to someone’s boundaries - this is actually not uncommon, especially if others are not used to boundaries being enforced. How people respond to our boundaries is incredibly insightful. It lets us know who we might need space from to continue maintaining a relationship with, or we might even need to re-evaluate some of our friendships or romantic relationships.
Therapy helps deepen your awareness around what your boundaries are, work on effectively communicating these boundaries, and work towards intentional responses when others don’t respect or understand your boundaries.
4. Developing conflict resolution skills
Any long-term relationship (friendships, romantic, family) is going to have conflict. It’s inevitable. Conflict is actually a part of healthy relationships. When we are able to repair in a healthy and effective way, conflict can actually strengthen relationships and bring us even closer than before.
In order to have effective conflict resolution, we must have:
Self-regulation skills — knowing how to self-sooth and manage our own emotions
Effective communication skills — directly communicating with others and knowing when to take breaks from conversations when things get too flooded
Self-awareness — taking ownership over our role in the dynamic, such as knowing when we are projecting our own shit onto another person
Empathy — to see a perspective outside of our own and come from a place of compassion, openness, and understanding rather than defensiveness
These all tie into having a strong level of emotional maturity, which therapy can help people achieve.
5. Building confidence + deeply knowing yourself
When you understand yourself on a deeper level and are committed to the process of personal growth, you build confidence and gain a stronger sense of self. Therapy helps you lean into the courage it takes to have uncomfortable conversations and develop the tools and awareness to build and sustain healthy relationships. This includes the relationship you have with yourself - the most important one. In order to fully understand your relationships with others, you must first understand the relationship you have with yourself. We can only meet others as deeply as we have met ourselves, and therapy allows you to do just that - to deeply know and understand yourself so you can move through life with intention and clarity.
Looking to start therapy?
Feel free to reach out if you think we’d be a good fit to work together. I provide online therapy to women in Houston and all of Texas.
